I want to shut down all of my emotions forever; never to deal with the stresses and emotional trauma of life. I don’t want to face the heartbreak I felt with William ever again and I swear it broke me more than I thought it did, which is incredulous in itself.
Many praise me for my strength, they compliment my independence, and then there’s my lack of enthusiasm for life: I have a plan, I have an idea of what to do, but will I experience anything else but pain and success? Will I even see success?
Ever since he left me, I’ve felt colder than ever. I feel ugly all the time, I feel distressed and worn out. I’m exhausted from loving ever again and I don’t want to. Not after him, not after what I know may occur if love goes wrong, and it certainly almost always does.
Juan Gonzalez - Harvest of Empire: A History of Latinos in America (via anything-for-selenas)